Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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