You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
