You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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