Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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