just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
