you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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