What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
