Screwed.edu
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
