just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
