people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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