marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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