I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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