I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
