I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
