He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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