just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
