Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
