So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it glows. i had to have it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My breasts were aching with rage.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
