i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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