So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
