Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
