her vagine was all disorganized.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
