from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
