come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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