This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
