So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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