so that wasnt chicken after all
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
