She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no you cant smoke seaweed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
