so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
