My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
