Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
