I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
