so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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