you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
