I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're like the curious george of whores
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
