i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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