I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
