a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
