Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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