living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
