did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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