did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
