Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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