I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
