my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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