i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
