I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
