I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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