At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
