And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
