You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
