I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
