Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
