you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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