I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
