hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
